Yup, that's me up there, clownin' around, on a sunny day before it got too infernal warm where I live. As you can see I've got grey on the roof but let me assure you there's still a very warm fire in the furnace. *grins*
Lessee, what would you like to know... Hmmm... Well, I've lived all over the world so my perceptions of it and of life in general are rather 'different' compared to most. I'm 46yrs young as of this writing (2002), was a pentecostal fundamentalist for 25yrs - am now pagan, came out as lesbian the first time when I was 21 then went screaming back into the closet until I was 38 when I came out for the last time, was married to a bio male for 14yrs, have been partnered to my lady for 7yrs, an amatuer artist, a self published (online) writer, and I/we are involved with SCA. In the mundane part of my life now I started transition March 2002.
If you've been reading my online journal you've come to understand that as I've begun to transition I've struggled with how I identified myself. Reasons being: I REALLY dislike and do NOT trust str8 males so hence I really don't want to be seen as one of them. Also I won't be having lower surgery. My reasons are: A. because if I got one them surgery 'dicks' it doesn't do anything except pee and where's the fun in that? B. I've seen the 'afterwards' pix and let me tell ya, you think the last chicken neck in the butcher shop look is bad, surgery 'dicks' whether phalloplasty or even medialplasty is worse!! C. After having cancer surgery below along with ALL that radiation I don't fancy letting anyone else go tip toeing through my lower insides thankyouverymuch! So add all those reasons up plus the fact that my sexual attraction is for womyn, the fact that I am extremely fond of the wise old crone I've become and you have a very complicated issue!
So what am I? How do I define myself? Well on my birthday this year I came up with an ID that I think pretty well says it and it's "GBQ" or "Gender Blended Queer". For me it addresses the fact that I am male in many of my aspects - both physical and mental - and the fact that in other aspects I am female ie: the Crone, my general energy/magick working energies and my 'queerness' or sexual attraction for womyn.
I've been living with this new term for about a month without saying much about it to anyone and I think now that it's one that I can live with. To celebrate I'm using a new background for this page. It is a singular graphic which is good for FtM gender blends or for MtF gender but expresses the inner blend of both male and female regardless how the changes are occuring.
And so that's pretty much it. First paragraphs deal with the mundane part of my life and the latter deals with my transitional self. I hope something I've said stays with you, encourages you, and reminds you that everyone of us is unique even if we appear to be the 'same'.